An angry inarticulate ramble

Today I'm angry about narcissism.

It's my sophomore year of college at UCLA. I love it; the independence, the possibilities, the opportunities I'm exposed to, the good people I meet, the experiences available to me - I wouldn't have picked anywhere else to go in the world.

One thing: Over half the people I meet or even see around campus deeply irritate me.

Listen, you silly california teenagers. Your life isn't awesome, it's fake. Wow, you might become a kayaking instructor? Wow you skateboard And you're a GIRL? You're in a fraternity sorority??? Wow, you went to THAILAND and partied at a RAVE with ALL the COOL TRAVELING young people??

How can you live like this? How can you construct your entire life, like some kind of idiotic, empty movie set, for the shallow purpose of impressing others?

I'm slowly becoming aware of this culture of narcissism - look how pretty I am, look how cool the people I hang out with, look how ambitious I am, look how many classes I'm taking. Everyone really wants everyone else to know how amazingly fuckin cool they are. And this...naked jockeying for approval, this to me disgusting blatant hunger for social status is pervasive, and even accepted as normal. It's like people don't even care about giving the impression that they achieved whatever achievement for a personal reason - It's simply, disgustingly "Hey you look at this awesome thing I did!"

I'm not making any sense, literally inarticulate with rage right now.

For me, if you live your life for the approval of the public eye than you must be the loneliest, most unhappy person in the world. When you speak, the only way you know that you've said something is if someone else responds to it. When you draw a beautiful picture, you throw it in the trashcan if no one pays you a compliment. When you listen to music, you get no enjoyment out of it unless someone knows you're listening to it.

You know nothing - feel nothing - are nothing - unless someone allows you to be. It's the difference between confirmation and affirmation...agreeing, and being.

There's so much shallowness here.

I'll say this for Tennessee. At least, people had dignity and pride in themselves. At least, people lived their lives by their own personal judgment and enjoyment.